*NOT* LIKE THEM.

i just spoke to my psychologist about things that are going on with me lately. some person who claimed he was from ranstad called me this morning, wondering if i was still looking for a job. i said, "yeah.. i'm just volunteering right now.." then he said they have a document imaging job (i think) in minneapolis and he was wondering how fast i'd be able to work the job. i said, "well.. i don't really have any plans this month.. so probably any time this month." and he said he was emailing me a job description along with things i needed to provide them with. i opened up the email and decided i'd have ics help me with obtaining the information they wanted. zen looked at it and said it was a scam because they wouldn't ask someone for their social security number and other confidential information through email- they'd do it in person. so that's a no-go.. my psychologist said that it was horrible that someone would do this to someone.. so i doubt i'll be replying. as tempting as this job offer sounded.. as usual- things that are too good to be true, fall through for me. i told my psychologist about how my sister and my mom seem to be trying to mimic me. my psychologist said, "well.. do you have any idea WHY they mimic you?" and i said, "probably because they have low self-esteems because i noticed how my mom USED to always wear her hair short because my grandma did.. now that my grandma's gone- she's trying to find a person who had a similar attitude as my grandma.. and my sister.. well, i remember seeing old pictures of my brother, sister, and i in pictures and my sister was always wearing something similar to me and acting like me- like facial expressions and hand motions.." then my psychologist said, "you could kind of take that as a compliment and i agree.. that IS a sign of low self-esteem." and we started talking about respect and acknowledging how i've changed from being such a close-minded person- which i mentioned both amanda and dustin seem to be. she remembers what i told her about something my cousins did and she said, "it's good that you can at least identify things you dislike about yourself and change your mindset. many people are afraid to do that." then i said, "yeah.. i think it's because where i grew up- there wasn't diversity.. so i look back at that and i feel ashamed.. so i change it." i told her about one of the first times joe came to my apartment in burnsville and i accidentally casually used a gay slur when talking and how joe looked at me when i said it. that shit is uncalled for and anyone who thinks it's acceptable/funny probably is a horrible person who i've chosen to avoid associating and communicating with. my psychologist said that it's good that i can identify it and realize it's not appropriate. kinda like how i told my psychologist about the reaction to obama's presidential title and how dustin chose to immaturely react to it racist with a comment about hanging him on facebook. i didn't tell her about him commenting in a racist fashion today, i told her a long time ago and she must've remembered it because she brought it up today when telling me how i was different from my family and i acknowledge how i have the ability to change the close-minded beliefs UNLIKE my family. some people need to grow the fuck up and realize we only have ONE life and being hateful and prejudice because someone is different than you will just make things harder for you since *GASP* EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!.. besides that- it's fuckin sad that i have to explain that shit because of something that someone who is probably AT LEAST TEN YEARS OLDER than i am said. there's a reason why God made everyone different- because if we were all the same, we'd probably get sick of each other and start killing each other. i chose not to associate/communicate with you racist pricks. you're obviously not perfect- so why try to act like you are? you can act like you are without my presence. if you don't give a shit- you wouldn't be reading what i have to say/think about YOU. if you're so damn smart- get something better to do with your time. so change your way dicks or remove me completely from your brains.